By: Andrea K. Robson
I watched the election, I did not go to bed; I couldn’t. When the announcement came in from Fox News, and they made the call that Obama had indeed won re-election, it was an out-of-body experience, one I am very familiar with.
I lost my mother 6 years ago, this past September. It was a sudden and unexpected passing. She fell and broke her leg, and 8 days later she was gone. Standing outside that hospital room waiting for them to take her off the life support, was excruciating and an out-of-body surreal experience. I remember the pastor saying, your mother has taught you how to live, she has taught you how to love, and now she is teaching you how to die. I remember saying to the pastor, “I’d like to skip this life lesson please.” I just wanted to run, thinking that it was all a dream, and that I would wake up in my bed, and none of this would be real. The world as I knew it was coming to an end, nothing in my life would ever be the same again, how would I live in a world without my mother? How would I do that?
So I am having an out-of-body experience, trying to process what happened to our country Tuesday night. I am struggling with the death of America, much like I struggled with my mother’s passing. How do I live in this foreign country? A country where there is no longer that sense of wonder, of achievement. Were you are punished for achievement, punished for pursuing the “American Dream!” Punished for striving to be the best you can be, and in so doing, affording others to jump on your wagon and come along for the ride! I sat there Tuesday night, and watched as America, the last best hope of the world, that shining city on the hill, was taken off life support, I felt that same familiar pang in the pit of my stomach, that same pang I felt waiting outside that hospital room, as mom was taken off life support. Logically you get it, you understand what is happening, but you need someone, anyone to explain it to your heart!
People are saying, get over it, move on; let it go already! I remember how I felt when people came up to me after my mom passed away and would say “your mom is in a better place,” all I wanted to do when they said that was to punch them dead in their face! I did not care that my mother was in a better place, I wanted her here with me, alive! I did not care that, that was what they thought was a comforting thing to say to me, or that they were trying to help me make sense of something that made absolutely no sense at all! And that is how I feel about it now, when anyone says to me, to get over it, to move on! I just want to punch them dead in their face! They obviously have no clue how deep this pain goes, and what was lost Tuesday night! I wanted my mother with me, and right now, I want my country back!
No one can ever really understand the pain that never goes away, as you try to imagine how to carry on living your life without that person you loved so much, you don’t know how to begin. But through the grace of God slowly you begin to put one foot in front of the other, and the years pass and the pain recedes, but it never goes away. There are moments that still take your breath away, the words of a song, the smell of the crisp fall air, the scent of a perfume, a silly commercial on television, or just a thought of that person that quietly drifts into your mind can send you back to that place you thought you had left far behind.
No, it never really goes away, you learn to live with it, it defines you, it is now who you have become, stitched into the fabric of your being. All the days before melt away and all the days ahead begin from that dreadful day! All the days count from or lead up to that day. No, you cannot really understand that kind of pain, it is a private club, a club no one wants to join, but once a member, then you understand just how deep that pain that never goes away actually goes!
Watching the Death of one’s country, the most amazing country on the face of the earth, the only Republic on the face of the earth, watching that die, is much like watching a parent die, it is the most painful excruciating thing one can ever experience (other than perhaps the loss of a child). Either way, it sucks! Realizing that over half your countrymen/women are takers, and idiots is another tough pill to swallow! So yes, I need some time to process this.